chasmofsarcasm:

how to tell if someone is really bisexual:

  • if a true bisexual utters their name backwards, it will send them back to their home dimension for a minimum of 90 days. 
  • fire type bisexuals will always be able to learn the move solarbeam, unless they are flareon. 
  • biologically, bisexuals are incapable of going down stairs.
  • some bisexuals are unable to cast a shadow, though this is currently up for debate

116,818 notes

ihategardenfruit:

shjtty:

my stepsister thought this apple was real and she took a few bites before realizing it was fake

A FEW BITES

ihategardenfruit:

shjtty:

my stepsister thought this apple was real and she took a few bites before realizing it was fake

A FEW BITES

229,141 notes

unabating:

-angel:

“I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.”

this quote reads like an excerpt from an 18th century novel and it’s from fucking spongebob

unabating:

-angel:

I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.”

this quote reads like an excerpt from an 18th century novel and it’s from fucking spongebob

275,546 notes

stay-f0r-awhile:

this is actually the cutest thing i’ve ever seen

148,401 notes

thewordsofclayton:

sirtarantino:

a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life

Good

(Source: sofiajonze)

556,977 notes

birdywillow:

people asking me what kind of music i like is such a stressful experience

445,747 notes

swordsagainstdeath:

the timeless mantra of long-distance friendships:

image

21,477 notes